Aloha. How you been?

Ive been sure remiss in adding to the surf page. Its been relative hell for a while. My daughter Mai is 22 and fine has a BF and is working. Son 2 (Bear) Koni; is fine as well but lost job recently. Queen is OK too. Her cousin died of pancreatic cancer and was a close family friend to us all. My eldest son is gone from his family; my grandkids (Kaleo 8; Kekoa6: and Kiana 13 (hanai adopted from mom previous marriage) are all well and being kids. My son on the other hand is a drug addicted foolish man, who under the false hopes of bipolar falsehoods thinks that being on the streets is life enough. My daily penance is dying a little each day knowing that one day the EMS call for and OD will be him. And that kills me. When they day goes by and a call is for a deceased body retrieval; the horror that we deal with is nothing but panic, salt and open wounds. He does not know what this is like. We have gone thru numerous avenues of rehab; love; tough love; hate; remorse and guilt only to have all avenues be dead ends. The man is fucked up. My parents 81 and 83 are on the edge of life and I should be there for them; but my home life is so fractured and a miss that I cant go one day without the intoxicant of booze. Thank god I work or Id be fucked. The joys of surfing are few and far between; reality of chasing $$ and the hopes of calm don't relent. Yes I surf; but the sessions are fraught with worry. Worry that I may submit to the relentless water; that I may entice failure and give up. That the calm of peace and never ending silence may be enough. Its not pleasant. But We strive on; we look at the bright eyes and see in them a hope that I cant grasp; a hope that is theirs. I can only hold on; prepare for the next reality; the next turn of the dice. Its a wait and see wait and pray wait and FUCK I AM TRYING attitude that hopefully can sustain me. Good Alohas to you all; I hope all is well with all of you - Kenny; Zilla; Angie (youre xmas cards are such the bomb) Le Artiste; and all who travel by here. All my Aloha. Mark