31.10.06

Wave of the day

Deep

From Hawaiianwatershots.com

Wet is where its at.

Aloha.

Happy November.

Birthday Happenings

Kiana (my granddaughter; step-grand?, anyway ohana member) had her Bday the other day, and that ment taking a day off from the pink to be around for the festivities.

Got a bouncer from my fellow firefighter *strawberry mafia*; which just fit between the house and the fence on the side of the yard. That was killer. Nothing like burning out the kids on air and bouncing, for hours.

Joe Cool

KJ was in top form, along with all the kids who came. Very well behaved keikis; no arguments, teasing or problems.

Give 'em 20 pounds of sugar right before Halloween, and I just bet the parents love us now.

Krackhead Klown

Now I am not one who has some kinda clown-phobia, but maybe I should. Krackhead the Klown was hired by my eldest, and damn if he wasnt the most flat-out stoney talking, bland as white melba toast guy.

His assistant, 'Krackhead2' want much better, but the kids were entertained, and filled with - cotton candy. More sugar!!!! Dentists must love Krackhead the Klown.

Most intresting thing about this dynamic duo, was Lady C's friend was coming by, after the Klowns were paid, and before she arrived, she saw the duo counting the money at the stop sign near our house.

Go, Krackhead, Go!~

Strangeness abounds.


The Compound

2 stories, no waiting. Can you believe 10 of us live here? And I am still sane?

Dont answer that.


Mai & KJ

All good, have a safe Halloween.

Aloha.

27.10.06

5

Maimai broke her phone by accident the other day, and I had to run by Cingular to figure out if I had insurance (yep) or not. Then learn how to turn it in, ya da ya da.

And that took me back by my old station, station #5. My old watch was/is on duty today, as I will be tomorrow. 5 was built in around 24AD, and refurbished as a Historic building right before I got assigned there, 11 years ago.

I drove by right when the guys were starting the work shift (0800) 'cause I had to kill a half and hour, and I had to take a dump. (sorry)

Wandering in, I said Hi and High-fived, and went and took my crap. (sorry again) The guys were finishing clean up. Of course, the fellow firefighter that took what was supposed to be my position on the back of the ladder was there, and I knew he knew the shibai (BS) he pulled in order to get that spot.

And so does the whole department.

There are many forms of communication.

Telephone
Telegraph.
and Tell-a-fireman.

There are no secrets in the firehouse.

In an uneasy "see i see ya" moment, passed, I headed out the door to go to Cingular, which means I have to exit through the apparatus floor, where the trucks are, and get to the parking lot.

There was a lady standing by her car, just exiting.

She runs up to me and says if she can get some first aid for her friend, who is in the car.

Sure, "what happened?"

"She ...ripped off her toe in the door at home"

Okaaaaaaay.

So I go to the car, and lift up the lady, and carry her into the Station. All the guys run up to assist, and in the process, I get blood all over the shirt (white, of course) that i am wearing.

At least she had the toe, and put it in ice, in a bag.

Everybody works together, and all things aside go away, when duty calls.

I kinda miss the station.

Aloha.

26.10.06

Brothers In Arms

Pix used w/out permission from Satans Laundromat

From 666 Laundromat

Mahalo's to 666 Laundromat - For the pix. - Unbelievable. Chills.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15428042/

4 Firefighters die in California.

And the fire will still rage, and come dawn others will take their place.

Still others will return to the station and pack the victims things, console the loved ones, and go to work.

*****

You can feel the air.

It will wrap around your protective gear, and accelerate every sense you have, and you will not know how to describe it.

Not to your fellow firefighter, not to your loved ones.

Not even to your self.

You are entrusted with a job to do, and that is to contain a living, killing machine.

Heat that is intense; that invades the scientific protection that surrounds you; costing thousnads of dollars, does nothing to stem the heat.

You will literally feel your skin begin to boil.

*****

Sitting inside a rig, and having that intensity wash over you and your brothers....



****

As I sit in Honolulu, at my second job, so I can afford to live here.

And the cast and crew of the show "Lost" is here.

And they are bitching about the humidity.

Fucktards.

Fucking values.

Fucking Fucktards.

Just about had it.

Just Fucking about.

****


Try to forgive my anger, it is the absurdity of these people, the lack of reality that they exsist in, the fact that the amount of dollars they are paid to 'act', all rolled up into me and has come out spewing.

*****

Prayers.

Please.

for them.

Aloha.

XXL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uk6GpgtFjQ

Enjoy.

25.10.06

Whose counting?

It's 33 years today, kiddo.

We met, we kissed.

I saw you in church the next day.

You had your half-assed smile on.


"Best Wishes"


I'd die for that smile.

Really.

I love you so very very much.

You drive me nuts with your own patented brand of insanity.

And I, you, with mine.

You worry about the surfing, I know.

But thats what makes me ...me.

Loving you forever, or at least till we can have raunchy sex at 80.

Always 143.

But special occasions mean "best wishes" - *wink*

Me Ke Aloha Pumehana.

22.10.06

The Laundromat

Lady C is off on Sundays and Mondays. When I dont have Firecom on Sundays, we try to sleep in. That means after 7AM, if we are lucky/lock the Bedroom door. So no Firecom this AM, but the stifling pink now.

Anywhose, somewhere around 6ish, my bladder decided it was in need of emptying. So empty; it got. I could hear young girl voices in the parlor/TV/computer area, which is just outside our door. The Damn Dog Sadie wanted to go out as well, so awake we are. Open the door, and heres Mai & K on the computer, doin' what girls do. So I tell Mai to get a cracking on the room and laundry duties, before I go and harvest some breakfast chow.

So I get the attitude shot back in glares and eye-rollings, and at this point in time, it is the last (fucking) thing I need, especially before coffee. More attitude and grumblings later, I enter her room/pig sty to find not 1, not 4, not 12, but 27 dirty towels.

that's TWENTY SEVEN.

In a week.

Its gonna be a long morning. Soooooooooo, I gather up all the towels (crap) and figure it is gonna take me all day to wash, dry and that stuff to finish.

Screw that.

So I am off to the Laundromat.

Great.

Not only do I have 95,000 pounds of towels to wash, I gotta drive the bastards there. Of course, the closest one is all the way into town, about 10 miles, and of course as well, it is full.

So on to the next one.

Another couple miles, and it isn't full.

So I load up the washer, and thats 1. But all the other washers are in use. So I go to the Super-Duper-Jumbo-monstrous 35 pounder version of a washer on steroids, and pack the other 20 towels into it. (with room to spare)

And its washa-washa-washa time.

Of course the jumbo washer leaks, and I gotta put a bucket under the door to catch it, but the attendant says that that is normal.

OK. So you wait. And the clientele is as varied as the colors of the rainbow. A Micronesian family, a Samoan family, a older well dressed Japanese gent, a Korean golfer dude, some assortment of kids, 2 flaming gay guys, and 3 psychologically challenged older ladies, wearing Mardi-Gras beads, carrying all the supplies and clothes in 3 shopping carts.

And the RN.

I guess since I had a Riverside Fire Dept. shirt on, she decided to ask if I was a paramedic, and a Fireman. OK, yes I am. So for the next 15 minutes, I got to find out (because after I answered, I never got a chance to say another word) how she -

1. Is a RN
2. Works out of her car.
3. Travels weekly between Oahu and the mainland, nursing.
4. The mainland pay is better.
5. The working conditions here are 3rd world.
6. The weather is muggy.
7. Rain.
8. That vet nurses make more than regular nurses.
9. That change you find in patients beds is considered property of the Hospital.
10. And thats why she does her laundry only with dollar bills.

OK.

Being that the machines only take coins, I kinda had my doubts on that last one, but who am I to doubt it?

So after this brilliant encounter, I excused myself to load my 54 billion pounds of towels into the dryers.

Ever try to dry 75 gazillion pounds of towels a 25 cents for 7 minutes?

It costs like 9 or 10 bucks, and thats if you watch the damn thing, and load the driest ones into the hottest dryer.

Being that it was a Laundromat, I kinda figured the dryers might be hot, but Nooooooooooooooope. Only may 1 dryer outta 4 was really that hot.

Of course I had to wonder why.

And you know me, wonder is bad for me. Wondering gets me into mischief.

Today, wonder got me into the inner sanctum of the darkside of the Laundromat world.

It is called Lint.

Nobody cleans the lint.

So the motherfricking dryer all run, and run, and run, never drying shit.

So I disassembled my 3 non-heating dryers front doors, and cleaned the lint.

Which of course, everyone else saw, which I then had to do for all the other 20 some odd dryers that folks were using.

Guess what?

Laundromats dont like you cleaning the money making lint off the screens.

Just call me the Laundromat Robin-Hood, I guess.

And yeah, I gotta be the only person on the Island, and prolly the damn earth that is 86'd from a goddamn Laundromat.

Aloha.

21.10.06

Windows

I just thought this totally rocks. It is from 'bolt city' by Kazu Kubishi, he draws "Copper" that I have posted snips from before.

Think about it

Think on it. What windows are produced by others that we look through?

Aloha.

*****Dont like, stress on it, it just caught my addeled brain by surprise, so it cant be that deep.

It is so damn early

Its 254 in the morning.

Maile has a PSAT test in a few hours.

I am at Firecom, and it is quiet for a Friday.

It is raining out.

Im in a basement in paradise.

My knees ache.

In 2 days, it will be 34 years to the day that I met Lady C.

We were 13.

Things were simple

Now they are very complicated.

A bit depressed

Took Jesus for a ride, and he didnt buy no smokes.

Flicking ashes out the window

Better go; got alarms

Life never ceases to amaze, does it

Aloha

19.10.06

Appreciative

Mahalo


All said and done,

Mahalo.


Aloha.

School, Surf, Work

Maimai is back to school after her time off (due to year round sched) So i gots up at dawn and drove her spoiled arse to school, actually i enjoy this task very much. It gives me time with her (when she aint moody) to talk story with her 'bout stuffs. If she touches the radio/CD player with out asking, it stays on NPR news the whole way, she always asks, so it goes to the Hip-Hop most mornings. Funny thing is sometimes, she leaves it on NPR when there is intresting stuff on, and we listen the whole ride together.

Or I make Pffffffftttt! noises about her choice of tuneage.

And she calls me old.

Surfed again this AM, no Kommandant awake to stop me. Bwhahaha.

Dawn
Waves
Thanks

No time for anything else

Aloha.

18.10.06

Knots, Trucks, and almost stupid.

When I got onto the Fire Dept., I had to learn a great deal of knots. This is a relatively simple task, needing only repitition. Knots are usually 'finished' and presented in a set way. Usually done from a right handed view. I am right handed.

It is my brain that is left handed.


New 1

You see, all my knots were and still are, backwards. All of 'em. If a bowline is supposed to be finished with a clove hitch on the front to the right, mine will be the complete opposite.

So me and knots have this understanding - I dont bother you, and you dont bitch about me being assbackwards.

The greatest knot is a 'truckers hitch' - You can secure and tie down almost anything, it is one knot that I love.

But it doesnt help if you are toooooooo stoooooopid to use it.

Well, you can use it, albeit late (as in on the freeway, as you are driving home, in the right hand emergency lane)

Because you were too stupid to know a 600+ pound box isnt going to remain standing straight up as you drive down the freeway up and over hills.

It seemed like it would.

So 5 minutes into driving this behemoth home, and my eyes glued to the rearview mirror, I see it rock back wards - almost to the point where I can see the bottom of the damn box. NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

So I apply the brakes, and the box tilts back.

Now I have almost had a heart attack, cause the damn thing cost 1200 frikkin dollars, and I have almost ruined it, along with the bed and tailgate of my truck.

I drove homw with a heart rate of about 200, and a BP of 200 over damn 200 just about.

After I tied the damn thing down.

On the side of the freeway.

With traffic.

Before going to work.

With a knot.

Using my left handed brain.

Aloha.

Morning Surf

Bay Surf Lines
Clean
Take Off


Gotta work.


Aloha.

17.10.06

Tripping over the plug, and other oddities

Having the DT's on a sunday morning is cause for alarm, especially if you dont drink. Shit. Maybe I dooooo drink toooo much. OK. So I slept through the damn earthquake. Didnt really matter, tho' as "Son #1" came barging into my room, all distressed saying the earth is moving(think chicken little), and at the exact same time is my Mom calling from Kamuela (Big Island)all hysterical like, cause Dad is across the street at the school, so shes panicked.

Good morning Mark.

(deep breath) Then, the small after shock gets rumbling through the house; and I think I ate bad fish; but alas, it is the earth rolling again. Soooooo, (deep breath)now the entire house is alarmed, and worried - and the phones are ringing, and family from the Big Isle is calling, and I am trying to calm my Mom down on the phone, and 'The Damn Dog Sadie' is yelping, and (i havent had coffee yet) the for god knows what reason, the car alarms are going off in my garage, KJ is up, (but of course he could care less, cause he is just cruising, watching everyone else go bonkers) ... And I am wondering why the hell am I up so early.

Deep Breath.

Soooooooooo, I figure I better call FireCom and see if they are needing help, and see if OT is up to work. Cant get through, so I call Station 5 (Kaimuki) to see if they know of how things are going at FireCom. Can not get through there either. As now the phones are dead. Finally get through, they are getting pounded, but the higher ups wont OK any OT. Go figure. So wait out the day, no power, but make do with cook out style, and we have a gas range, so that was cool.

More Air!

So I go to the pink early, god, why ???? only to find out that Mauimama and her bridal party are having their wedding today and it is raining, no power, and well....They will for sure never forget the date... One of the sweetest couples I have had the pleasure of meeting, Sandy and her husband, more on that when I can remember. *wink*


So the pink goes out and doles out a $26.00 buffet in the surfroom. No power. Thats twenty-six bucks. Did over 12K in business, and almost 600 covers.

Money talks.

Damn, and then today, I had to buy another fridge.

I almost lost it on the freeway coming home in my truck.

KEY WORD - A L M O S T.

Get to that, tomorrow.

Shoots then, I gotta work this pinkness off.

Aloha. and Mahalo's.

15.10.06

Shaking 2

Hey, howzit!

OK, first - The C & C of Honolulu didnt want me for overtime at Firecom. The boys there got pounded. Go figure.

So off to the pink. Mauimama is in town for a wedding at the - - PINK!

What a sweetheart. More on that at a later date.

Perspective -

A hotel will do whatever it can to make a buck.

Jeezus, you wont believe the crap.

Maui mama - at least the bride and groom will never forget the date.

Aloha all.

(nothing like hijacking a computer to post on your blog)


Bwahahahahahaha.


*devious winks*

Shakin'

Its all good here.

Momhawaiianmark & Dad on da big isle are bonzers, they got me up @ 708AM with the "shakes"

We did some rumbing here, but all good, cept no more electricity.

And yeah, I am at work.

Disasters cont have days off!

Thanks for the aloha over the miles!!!!!

Try to let anyone know 'bout anything or anyone if ya needs, drop a comment I will try to answer.

Aloha.

14.10.06

You really dont want to know ...

Sunset over the home bay

I wrote a whole spiel on it, but i deleted it.
The venom's out.



Aloha.

13.10.06

Shiftless when I am idle

Nailed a morning session after getting off-duty. Home at 715, in the water by 730. No traffic on the journey home, say Aloha to KJ, kiss whats her name, and out the door.

Stellar conditions, no wind and surf to be had.

Got the Pink now, and OT 12 hour tomorrow at Fire. Then right back to the Pink till 2300.

Busy.

Time to rinse!

Mr. KJ & Tutu Checkin' da fishes

Clean Dawn

More

More

Still More

Another

Finish

Aloha, as da usuals.

11.10.06

Color Me Impressed

Feed Me.


Who's Zoomin' who?

Another day goes by, and more fun occurs.

So burned out, so fried, so exhausted. Sickness will do that I reckon' Just dont have the spark in the engine that drives the vehicle that is me.

KJ is almost four-wheeling. Got the get up, got the strength, pity the fool that gets in Champy's way. Still working on the coordination. Knee, hand, arm, move! So far we are turning circles, all with the brightest smile and coo's.

I am a bowl of day old Poi. Just a mush of squirrely guts floating around in the glow of this keikis charms. Ol' blue eyed Hawaiian gets the job done. Nary a peep of complaint, nary a cry of need.

Blessed beyond measure. (kudos and Mahalos to Mauimama for that one!)

Pink is settling the contract as I type. Whooo-hooo. 25cents more per hour, or whatever.

My bad attitude is in need of refreshing, and 24 tomorrow.

Oh joy.

Aloha!

10.10.06

I before C, except after 'diot'

I is for Idiot,

But hell, lets not fret on that! Our KJ dude is eating right outta the dog food bowl! (not really, but it sounds like something I would let him do) The Mamamilk has done dried up, and formula is leaving him shall we say - unfulfilled?

So spoons aloft, he is starting his voyage into eating! Yes siree, food is good, and smashed up variety of foods is even better! Poi is coming on the menu as soon as I can get some real fresh kine. And then ..... whoo hooo...Splatter kiddie shits! Baby poo yellow stinkers!

And I get to give him back to his parents with a FULL LOAD!!!!

Of course I wouldnt do that.

***(Hehehehehe.)***

Other than working, working, and did I mention, working? Got sick as well. Damn 24 hours in air conditioned hell, and Lady C sick, I guess it is to be expected. But I never really get sick, so I dont take too kindly to evil germ-nads invading my personal space. So I decided it is time for them to go.

They didnt heed my warnings, none the less, they have been forced out. In not the kindest fashion.

You see, I figure, that the bastards came in one way, they sure as hell can leave another route. And I will roto - rooter them out, by damn!

So rather than going to the Doctor, I venture to the innards of our medicine cabinet, which is chock-full of various vitamins and chemical elixirs. So if 1 is good, 2 is always better.

Start by a dose of Echinacea, hell, take 3! Whatever the MG's! Combo that with a flash of Vitamin C- 2000MG'S - no waiting! B-12 ? Sure! 3 ?, ah hell, 4 came out...Take all 4! Folic Acid? WTF is that for? Hell, take it too! Vitamin E? Eh, bunch a these should do something, and what about these...what the hell are they?....Oh Gingko Biloba stuff or something. Hell, might as well! Tylenol, OK. Wash down with a huge glass of OJ. Follow that up with another glass of Guava Juice.

Stir.

Sleep.

Shit.

A Lot.

Oh maybe more than alot.

Oh maybe like plenty more than alot.

Exactly how many times you flush the john at home is no matter.

But flush the John like 75 times at the local Costco, and you tend to draw attention.

But the germnads are gone.

Bastards!

Now I just got one sore Okole.

Is it me, or am I just like this all the time??

Dont answer that.

Aloha.


*flooosh*

7.10.06

Bravery.

It is pure unselfish, bravery. (click the title)

Aloha.

6.10.06

Dawn Patrol Surf

So I awoke on the crack. Not her crack, damn it, but the crack of dawn. After a fitful night of hearing the KJ doing the howling at the moon imitation, (but a braver lad, there is not) I kinda sorta gave the hell up with sleeping at 430AM. It was already a muggy hawaiian evening, that turned into a sweaty ass crack night of lack of sleep.

Lotta crack in this post, lets move on, over or far away from that!

After Surf frame grab

Putter around the house for a moment, and decide to vamoose my sorry caboose out the door, before anyone or thing can delay me from a surf. Stealth as I can be, of course I have to make all kine noise by tripping over KJ's play ground (known as my living room) and Sadie the dog, (yelp, take me pee, take me pee!!! Or I crap on your slippers!)

OK, damn Sadie the dog, lets go, quick kine, out the door for a lua break.

Of course, Sadie the dog wants to run around, and play - 'watch the stoopid human try to catch me' (you shoulda put the leash on, doofus!)

Trapping the dog, I finally corral her into the house, and grab shorts, wax, the evil camera, and change for coffee.

More after surf

Out the door, and sweet fragrances of dog shit not withstanding, I barrel out of the house in search of what else ??

Barrels! The water kine! Tubes!


And yet, 1 more

Drive to the gasoline station, (where they will take your first born for a tank of gas, as long as they are male), and pick up a cup of Joe.

Joe and I take the winding K highway to my usual of the most usual spots, and upon rounding the corner that gives me a view where I can see if "get" waves or not.....

Oooooooooooooh got some. Got some and there is no wind. There is no wind, got some, and noone else is on the road.

Thats because it is dark, doofus!

Shoreside, I unload my board, hide my alarm-button-thing-that-you-push-which-if-it-goes-off,-noone-pays-attention-to-anyways doohickey.

(i hide the damn thing in the gas cap, why? Dont know, really, not like there is much of anything to steal)

And it is off to the surf.

3 hours later, all de-stressed and worked, plow on home to get ready for the pink.

And thats that.

Have a great weekend, all.


Aloha, Mark

5.10.06

Walking in the sun

I have brutalized the scammers enough, I reckon.

Pix by Neil Miyake

Wave of the other day, kudo's to Neil, (Neosponge)

After a killer 24 at firecom, I came home to some huge arse blue eyes staring me in the face, wanting a stroller fest.

So off go Tutu man, and KJ, and Sadie the dog.

Walka, walka, walka.

Round and about, over and around.

Sunshine happiness, and some excercise for me, and the dog, Sadie.

KJ got some four month puppy shots from the vet, (sorry, his pediatrician) and seems no worse for the wear. Dittos for me. All the while on the stroll, I thanked whomever is rotating this blue marble for a myriad of things.

Sun, for sure.

Health for a bunch.

And forgiveness.

There is a lot to learn for this Hawaiian, and alot to see yet; I just hope that forgiveness comes along on the life stroll.

Shoots, then!

Aloha!

So, take it up a notch?

Sir,

The number you send is not true. u must send corect number now. Jutin is dieing. Money not come she die, waiting for your moneis. u ar suggest to send asap to luckday, re; Thomas baker

Waiting,

Thomas Baker

Well, we cant have that can we?

So lets get another fake email, and do this -

Luckyday security -

There has been a error in a delivery of funds from Western Union, to our account, The Fund Company "Lucky Days Security & Brokerage Firm". Apprently, two amounts of money (50,000 & 100,000 English Pounds Sterling) have been received by our company in error.

For our company to begin the transfer of money to your account, we will need some varfication of your business, and required government issued ID, to return the error funds in question.

Please contact us as soon as possible -

44-0967-397-84600

Please ask for Sir Ben Dover.



So of course, Dr. Sexton has to chime in as well.

Pollywanna crackho and zits,

The money has been sent! My bag of fungus is not pleased that you are not in rectumfilled reception. I belive that you are evil! Your evil company "luckday security" has taken my largemember and deifyied it! How darest you without my condoms sent!

I have given the numbers needeto you, not once, but trice in buggers filled moon, and yet doth thou penisbreathe say it is not. Mrs. Justina Capella will hear (hear, hear!) about this. Victoria as weel. Jerkingoff in quiet may be fine for oyu, but not to one as regal as the dying Mrs, Justina.

May your brainsalad be awash in flaming fragrance of kaka.

Hitch up you trousers, the floods are coming,

Dr. Sexton Jeeves III, esq, Phd, & BMOC.

This outta be innaressing.

Aloha.

4.10.06

Ohhh they are pissed now...

Good day Sir,
the control number u gave was incorrect....i sugest u go get the right one and provide me with the reciever name.u have to be fast about this so that the consignment will be delivered to your destination.

waiting to hear from asap.
Regards,

Thomas Baker.

Bwahahahahahahahaha!

Gotcha!

2.10.06

Screwing with the scammers

OK, if you have the patience, and the stomach, what follows (albeit all kine out of chronological order) is the conversation between yours truly (that'd be me..a.k.a. " Dr. Sexton Jeeves ********* III, Esq.") and some email dirtbags somewhere out there in cyberland.

I started by getting a BS hotmail account email, and went on a tangent from there. When reading the replys from the 'Beloved Sexton J' take no offense at the mish mash of porn, broken english, slang and general mayhem.

These doofus' deserve worse.

But they keep answering back.

This, to me, is asking for me to keep......screwing with 'em. I unfortunately didnt save all the email's, but you will get the general idea if you read the crap I wrote.

So, without further adieu, may I present the saga of "Luckday security, Thomas Baker, Mrs. Justina Capella"

vs.

Dr. Sexton Jeeves H******* III, Esq.






>Subject: URGENT.
>Date: Thu, 28 Sep 2006 03:58:18 -0400 (EDT)
>
> Good day Sexton Jeeves,
>
>Is a pleasure to draft you once again regarding your consignment that is still under our custody. In regards to this, I will advice you to please forward to us your full information to know who we are dealing with in this transaction and the information required is such as, Full Name, full contact address (Country), international passport or driver’s lenience scan and attach to email and your telephone and fax numbers immediately to unfasten up the delivery of your two consignment.
>
>Waiting to receive the information ASAP.
>
>Regards to you and your family,
>
>Thomas Baker.

Oh praises and hallejuah! May I be of blessed dervice to you in your time of need, dear one. I too, am a believer in the wonders of the internet, and belive thou is asking me by deevine intervention.Do not hesitate to write back, as I am in ill health as well. We must complete thiss ass ssoon as pssible.Looking forward to hearing from you soon,In the blood of christ the savior and holiest of holy,Mr. Sexton ******


Oh blessed one of the most highly Mrs. Capella -

The lords mystery of complication and bejeezus I have given email to the security comapny and they have not responded.

I fear that they are not as highly blesses as you are. I fear they may have been demonized can you confirm that they are too noble? Why doth they not contact back? I have given them all the goodness needed to complete the sadi transaction.

Dont fear, the bills medical will be taken care of by all those beliving in the power of the wackadoodle mole.

You know that all that is good will be good in the end.

Testicularly yours in continued sphincter,

Dr. Sexton J******* III, Esq.


In as much as the holy water is wet, Mrs Justina -

I have sent the email to luckyday security. I fear the mail has been intercepted by one of your fornicators from the area. They have splooged on the mail and created a mess of the transaction.

I think it may be of the utmost urgance that I send you the information via carrier. I have many trusted congregants in the area of London. They are completey the shizzle. We can organize the shindig meeteing so I can get the info quicker.

Perhaps I should make a small 'donation' to the security comapny, and make the pricks ears syand up? Dear heart, the fleetiing excrement of stooles is waiting.

We must envelope the heed! Do you trudt them? Can I send them a amount of funds that is acceptable?

I think this would fellatio the fact quicker. Maybe a rimjob doodlewack would help?

Haltingly persistently bloated.

Eating belot.

Dr.***** J. Sexton III, Esq.


>From: justina capella
>To: *****<******@hotmail.com>
>Subject: HAVE YOU CONTACT THE SECURITY COMPANY?
>Date: Tue, 26 Sep 2006 07:28:49 -0700 (PDT)
>
>My beloved Dr. Sexton Jeeves,
> Declare this prayer to yourself; Oh Heavenly Father, I praise you today for the promise of victory in my life! Thank You for Your word and the precious blood of Your Son, Jesus, that causes me to overcome in every area of life. With the fruit of my lips, I will praise you all day long.
>
> Beloved, how are you and your family? Hope all is well with you all.
>
> My beloved, I received your mail and I was so happy with your much concern, so how far have you gone with the security company? Have you contacted them? Please get back to me immediately because I am not happy with my critical condition.
>
> I am really going through pains here on my sick bed, if not for the help of Victoria and the other nurses in the hospital who have been assisting me by taking me to the restroom; I wouldn’t have been able to do anything of my own. Do note that my hospital bills should be paid after claiming the funds from the security company.
>
> I pray that the lord almighty will see you throughout this great mission.
>
> May the peace of the lord almighty be upon you and your family.
>
> God bless you,
> Mrs.Justina Capella


Humblest one,

Why yes, dearest, I have. I sent all the requested documents, and attachements deemed necessary by the 'luckday security' company.

In the words of Pope Penisdictus III - Tho thine staff is large, dont use it to create strife - only for good and for the good of all mankind.

Having been fortunate enough to have much monies at hand, I decided it would be in the lords best intrest to send some pre-funds prematurely ejaculating to the luckyday security - I be thinking that the securiyt company would appreciate some monies, and thereby be able to flaccidly wangle the funds along.

The monies were sent post haste to through the Western Union Branch here in Spatrs'darby. Don tell me they did not recive the blessed funds! Heathen being may have forskinned the amount due to them!

Dire it is, I may have to forward a double amount to them to keep the filthy hands of evildoers off the said bleesed amounts of money.

I do pray tell that the forms are being recived? I worry constanly that the said intention of eveil is being cast upon the seas. Do not say it! Keep hope alive there is good dildos to be shoved!

Good big dildoes! I am sure they will find the funds, and let you know they are in safe hands.

As with all things blessed, don not fear, cause the big wadoozika is bearing down for a large BM.

For this is the word of the lord.

Erectifully and sploogie yours,

Dr. Sexton Jeeves *******III, Esq.


>From: justina capella
>To: *****<*******x@hotmail.com>
>Subject: HAVE YOU FOWARDED THE INFORMATION TO THE SECURITY COMPANY?
>Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2006 14:51:33 -0700 (PDT)
>
>My beloved Sexton Jeeves,
>Decree this powerful prayer to yourself right now: Father, thank you
>for filling my life with joy. Thank you that I am blessed and cannot be
>cursed. Thank You that in all things you cause me to triumph. Thank you
>for your strength within me that comes from that joy. I bless you today
>and rejoice in your goodness
>
>Be joyful always
> For the joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10)
> In Psalms, David said, "I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise
>shall continually be in my mouth." At all times means in the good times
>as well as the tough times. The Bible tells us to stay full of joy no
>matter what we are facing.
>
> The joy of the Lord is our source of strength and the enemy knows it.
>he knows that if he can get you down and discouraged, before long, you'll
>be weak and feeble and he will be able to easily defeat you.
> When you are full of joy and have a good attitude, you keep yourself
>strong. That positive attitude of faith paves the way for God to work
>miracles in your life --- it paves the way for God to turn your situation
>around.
>
> Decide today to have a good attitude. Keep yourself full of His joy by
>meditating on the goodness and promises of God. Be full of the joy of
>the Lord! You'll soon experience supernatural strength and discover the
>victorious life God has planned for you.
>
> Beloved, how are you and your family? Hope all is well with you all.
> My dear, Have you forwarded the information to the security company?
>Please let me know because time is getting out of our side and yet my illness is getting more critical.
>
> God bless you and your family,
>Mrs.Justina Capella.Capillary.


I shall huttington be lightly try again to communicate the reqested information to you, Mr, Thomas Baker.

I sent the kippering email earlier, and, bearing go lightly, here she blows again.

I have also tried to call the numbers given, and faxed my bank account information to you. I crest doth smegma that it is not in penisvein.

Cracking a barley, is this not what was asked?

Please reply as soon as possible, as the madam's health, along with my own, goes fortnightly down the slippery razor blade of life, sans clothing.

Sputumly yours in drenched,

Sexton ********III, esq.

CC: Virgina, and Mrs, Justina Capella, and Mr. Don Williams

Scrotums and hello,

Mr. Baker, the monies were sent to the western union office in London. The MTCN numbers were attached to the head of the penissick letterhead that was attached. The control numbers were:

5Zj890$674

In care of his rectumness, Thomas Baker. I fear that something unholy this way comes. I fear that the monies are lost in the abyss of a giant clit. Could this be? What of Justina? Is she perhaps engorged (erectfully) with the monies? Could there be some sort of conception going on? Maybe the foreskin is paddywacking the sphincter, yet again?

Do tell me the monies are in safe sputum, as I am in ill health, and must divert more funds as necessary to your luckday security hastewith, in immediate actioning required.

Go now! Teagbags in yuor head, I say, doth wastith the time of yonder burnt bearings!

Gonads a hanging in the breeze,

Dr. Sexton J.******** III, esq.


>From: "LUCKYDAY"
>Reply-To: luckyday_security@myway.com
>To: ***********hotmail.com
>Subject: URGENT.
>Date: Mon, 2 Oct 2006 04:16:22 -0400 (EDT)
>
> Good day,
>How are you, business and your faimly? hope great.
>Sir, i received your mail and i went to action in understanding the content of it regarding the payment.
>Is a pleasure to let you know that we have not received any money or funds from you in regards to your benefactor, so can we please know who you sent the money to( the receiver name, time and the MTCN numbers which is also know as the control numbers including the 10 contorl digits number to enable us know what you are saying in this transaction. so if you know you really sent the money, then provide us with the informations that you use to sent the money.
>Regards,
>Thomas Baker.


>Gopdildo to you,

The funds have been sent via Western Union to your office. How is it that it has not been recived? I have worry. And in that woory is the knowledge of the king of kings. The masterbater dildo of kong. All forms were attached to the monies.

I have sent the address, the liscence, and a monetary payment of 50,000 englrsh pounds to the reciver "luckydaysecurity" The Union said it was picked up. Dont tell me the heathen evil doers of woebegotten smegma have interloped it!

Pony balls, it may be necessary to send more money, I dare say, perhaps this time a amount closer to 100,000? I haste make waste to do this, as the funds ar burning pus festering in my account.

Please to tell me the funds are in safe hairy palms at luckydaysecurity.

Comefiiled bugers & blessed fecal matter away,

Dr. Sexton Jeeves *******II, Esq.


>From: "LUCKYDAY"
>Reply-To: luckyday_security@myway.com
>To: ********x@hotmail.com
Beloved Mr. Sexton *******, I have received your mail and i must first of all show my appreciation over the fact that you have given heed to the entreaty of a dying family. May the lord guide and direct you on how best to use this fund for the benefit of the poor. I have to thank God at this moment for his direction in regards of this mission, God want me to complete this mission hence i got your contact,but i know you may be wondering how i got your email contact, actually when i heard from the doctor that my condition has become so bad, I have to reach out for a Christian individual that will utilize this money as i will instruct therein , and for the fact that you are a God fearing person then it's easy to finish this. My husband earn this funds but he died and left everything behind and i will join him soon in Jesus name. When i discovered this ailment, it dawned on me that i had been living a very vain life.Then the need to affect the lives of those in need became very paramount in my thoughts. This appears to be a case of mercy after death as i no longer have the strength to do those things i used to do when i was still very full of life. My dear friend , in my resolve to actualize my dying wish, i have been able to support charity to a very large extent around the middle east and europe.Then my health became a sorry tale, that at this particular point in time, i live at the mercy of various drugs and operations which certainly can not remedy anything. My close family members are however not happy with the way i have disbursed everything of mine to the motherless babies and the less priviledged.That was why they failed to help me actualize my dream of supporting charity. They held for themselves the funds i made available and went as far as even trying to terminate my life when the hour (though very short )has not come. All relationship with me has been severed, and they are of the opinion that the last of my fortune has been spent. Incidentally, the sum of twenty seven million six hundred thousand dollars (united states) lies in a security company in Europe, and well packaged in a consignment. That is the last i have here on earth, however, i am yet to pay my medical bills and some other expenses pending when i shall be no more. These funds i wish to entrust to you, to help propagate the works of charity where ever your location is. By so doing, i would need your utmost sincerity and honesty to carry the venture along successfully. It would be required of you to furnish me with YOUR FULL NAME, OCCUPATION.CONTACT ADDRESS, TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER, to enable me put a letter to the security company, making you the eligible beneficiary to the funds under their custody.Also, do forward this information to my doctor, Dr. DON WILLIAMS atDue to my poor health; i have instructed him to help me go to high court and process a letter of Authority in your name. Once this is done, you shall make arrangements with them on how the funds would be transferred to your location. I beg of you to deal with me honestly and render me your assistance to the fullest of your capacity. you would be helping a dying family. Most importantly you would be touching the lives of a huge number of people. I hope i would be able to count on you while i wait impatiently for the time to come. My bones are slowly cleaving to my skin. I hope to hear from you as soon as possible. Waiting to hear from you.Warmest Regards, Mrs. Justina Capella.

H***** Ex wrote:


If you read this far, congrats!

I know, I am going to hell in a handbasket for this, but havent you wanted to do the same???

See, I knew it.

Aloha.

1.10.06

This Monkey's Going To Heaven (apologies to The Pixies)

After 24 @ firecom, and a morning sans surf, sans coffee,and sans brain function, I am realtively sane.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuure.

Lady of the compound is sick, she got the bug, the bug known as bitc...bronchitis. She has not been a hella buncha fun to be around. But then again, neither has yours truly.

OK, time to bury that.

Nothing like strting a 24 hour span of time w/ a few major alarms, pinned in auto, chemical odors, sky diver whose parachute failed and landed in the ocean.

...And he survived, only to go back and jump again later that afternoon. Shit, I'd be done an beering myself to death after that.

Ended the daylight hours w/ - 2 teens lost on a hiking trail, another persons pinned in auto accident.

Nothing like a quiet weekend shift.

3 days of pink abuse, The Kiddo back to school, (and she better have the attitude in check) or.....or what, I have no bloody idea, cause she is a testing my patience, sanity and all-around good naturedness (she may disagree on that one)...and then it is back to firecom, then back here for more pink abuse, and then again the cycle starts over.

I am a gerbil on a wheel, in a cage, going 'round and 'round.

But light is around the corner; I went and made a rez for Las Vegas as a annivesary dig for me and (whats her name) in November, kinda a get-away before the holidaze. 7 days from the 14th to the 21st. I gotta freebie (how free, is a infinite question) at the Main Street Station, and the first 3 at (shhhhhh no tell her, eh?) Bellagio. If this doesnt get me laid, nothing will. Gotta figure some way to spring it it on her.

That all she wrote folks, have a inspired, fruitfilled, week.

Aloha.