I guess I'll close my eyes; since for the life of me I cant stand the thinking. So I've refused to think for quite sometime now. Pretty much have worked myself down to the bone and its an open fracture; just a seething woumd of hurt and no-pass craps rolls.
My grandkids are a bundle of spirit, joy and events. Some of which are less than compatible with my brain function right now. Pretty much all the time. Nothing like being sent to the bench as the father figure and have to answer all the questions, pay all the bills and struggle with all the stupidity that a family can face.
Yeah Im crying in my beer and I really have the fuck-it syndrome. Im tried out. Ive held family meetings to try to get the hoard to understand I cant do it all; i cant. Its killing me and the stress is manifesting itself in serious alcohol comsumption and major tension headaches ( hey 2 weeks straight but fuck it a stroke would cure that)... I tried ass-hole. I tried begging. None are gonna get it until the end comes and we are all out on the street. Stealing from Peter to pay Paul and juggling as fast as my hands can spin my heartless ass around is digging holes to China.
Its fear; Its failure.