I Got Your Damn Karma Right Here!

Please turn the volume up. Thanks, Dave.



Yeah. Had to go to the hardware store the other morning. Yep. Not like anyone else could go, no sir. Nope. Not that there are 3 other vehicles around, no moped, thankyouverymuch for the reminder. It’s OK, fo’ real.

So off I go. I don’t mind going to the hardware store; the only thing that is irritating about this particular hardware store is that as they advertise that they ‘carry everything Hawaii needs’ – somehow they never have what I need. But lets not go there now, as they had what I needed, so I imagine there is hope for the failing economy yet. Whatevers. Anywho, back to the moron of our story, (me) and the always adventurous going and comings of life in the hobbling lane. As if.

It musta been on the Saturday last, as the morning traffic was its usual weekend activity. It was a bit more than a usual morning, and that’s OK, and I really don’t find to much sand in my shorts during traffic anymore, since I gave up yelling at the other morons (like me) on the road. Just take a deep breath, turn up the volume on the stereo, and remember that for the most part, it isn’t worth the trouble to get upset. I get to the main drag of the neighborhood, and merge into the right turn lane and go with my life’s living like most of us morons (me) do. I get to the stop light and non-yield right turn lane and the traffic has come to a halt. This happens quite frequently at this intersection, as many folks (morons) don’t realize that it is a NO YIELD right turn merge lane. It goes into its own lane! Thanks again, O ever watchful urban planners, the same guys who made Hawaii’s entry/exit on the same off ramps on the freeways. More morons. (like me)… I always seem to catch glimpses of cars that pique my little-kid kine days of car wants. Today it was a 1979 El Camino; well worn but it did have that deep seeded sound of a big carburetor, and headers, gas guzzling to the nth degree. The lady that was driving it was 3 feet 10, and prolly weighed 50 pounds soaking wet.

And how do you know this, O hobbler? Well that’s because it was her car at the intersection that was causing the back up and that’s how. OK? Back to Karma, sheesh it is hard to tell a story and think at the same time. So this great old truck is seemingly stalled, and the cars in front of me are weaving around her, and noone is stopping to assist her and I am getting ticked as she is putting herself in danger as to where the truck is.

Damn.

Managing to pull around her and stop ahead of the vehicular on-slaught of morons (like me) that are revving and getting on with their Saturdays; I get off to the side on the median, and hop out to see what I can do to make the situation all that much worse, as I tend to do. I get to her and she says that “it just stopped” and looks pretty shaken up. Lets just see if it starts, (doesn’t) and let see if it is flooded ( it is ) ‘cause the smell of petrol is stronger than shit and I already am loopy, with out O2 depleting vapors, thankyouagainverymuch. I pop her hood, ( get your heads outta the gutter ) and find a real gem of a engine, about 400 HP, and fully tuned but definitely flooded w/ gas. I come back to her and tell her to put the car in “on” and into neutral, and lets get you the hell off the road to the side where when they hit me, at least my body parts wont fly all over the main drag.

Now of course the truck has no power steering, or brakes, and I am pushing this 17 ton truck (yeah, exaggerate) on the highway, in my slippers, and……

None of the other morons weaving around bothers to stop and help.

Fucktards.

Anyway, after that immaculate revelation (cue angelic sounding trumpets) I realized that soon, very soon, all that Karamtic bullshit is gonna catch up to me. So…

Karma gods; I am waiting.

She eventually got someone to come and get her, and the truck, and was very grateful.

Of course, this meant I took longer at the hardware store, which meant of course, that I got in the longest line of morons (like me) and with the checkout cashier from the remedial class, and the plastic bag broke, which sent the crap I had bought all over the parking lot……….

Aloha.