Is It Asleep?

My Dad once asked my Mom that question. I dont think I have ever really been asleep. The engine just runs too fast; and the petrol powering it seems to not ever hit empty.


Happiness


Actually, it does. I think I hit "E" on the gauge with astonishing regularity now; it appears to have something to do with the amount of grey hairs that get harvested from my 'stache. I used to kid the Lady C that they were not grey, but blonde. They have become too obvious now. Sometimes I wonder deeply about what exactly I have accomplished as a father. I am lucky enough to have a role model/friend/advisor for my own Dad. Having always looked upon him as a fair, even temperd soul; I cast great shadows of doubt on my own fatherhood.

"They will always be your kids/children" - I really dont care for this saying; I imagine that everyone wishes to distance themselves from their own offspring once-in-a-while, dont they? When I question myself on this, I seem to self flaggelate since 'no one wants to excommunicate their own child' - do they? Tending to the infinite sadness that the prodigal son plys gets weary. When does Daddy quit? When father get fed up, what actions can he use that defends the action, as well as the sincerity of it?

Luckily, the ocean washes clear some of the silt of decaying truth. It respects those that respect it; and holds it safely in Mother Oceans grasp. Even tides will stir up the bottom; but those feeders will delight in a few morsels, given the chance to forage. From the days of hunter-gather, is that what all fathers do? Teach survival? Or better yet for some, to teach to flourish, and bloom in the worlds beauty and love.

It does not take big balls to admit defeat. It really only takes a look in the mirror; and realize that the eyes looking back at you are part of someone who cares as well.

Thank you, Dad for all the lessons hard and easy, and for all the support.

Me Ke Aloha Pumehana.