Pause

There are a great many things that give pause. I cant imagine the pain that people go thru daily; I cant stand the way life has been treating us lately. It isnt overwhelming; its just hard. I cant seem to come to grips with the little guys death; nor can I get on track with the surrounding circumstances of that loss. There is great joys with the grandkids; Kaleo + Kekoa + Kiana are blossoming all around us, and yet I am distracted in grief. What the hell? The guys all on their own pitched in to help at a baby luau we were at; helping to load chairs and put away table and clean up the area. I was so proud of them. They did it all on their own, no asking no prodding, just started in to help. That made me smile. Not a day goes by where the queen and I dont have some kind of conflict; some kind of issue where anger plays a big role, where love is absent. That really is starting to suck; and drains my soul daily. I dread some days; I try to focus and yet everything is so blurred. I guess it will pass, but I wonder wistfuly at was has become of our lives? Longing for happiness, overcome by reality, and trying to remain normal. Some things are just impossible.