Damn the appendages, we got drunk lesbians!

So before anyone goes and castrates me, I could give a rats ass if you like your own sex. Really. That is your kuleana (biznezz) and if you aint hurting others, I no care!

Really, you can have a thing for boning trees, and what floats your boat, floats your boat.

Sunset

But damn, the luau tonight had 29 drunk lesbians. Yes, 29. Now dont go getting all in my face about terms and tags for peoples. I put my own bullshit and happiness face on everyday I deal with the touristi. Yeah, tourist-i . I turn off my brain, and go on vacation like they all do, so I can be at the same wavelength.


It

Now, most of the time, dealing with 400 to 500 folks coming at me paying a kings ransom for a luau, i can deal. No prob. BS and happiness face. It does a brain good. OK?

Let me let you fine folks picture this, OK? We have 400+ tonight. Not huge, but not small either. And it is humid as shit. My nads are sweating buckets. The rez sheet has many parties of 10 or more, but one is for 29.

Yeah. 29.

Try remember that number, its on the test, later. So Mr. BS and happiness face is out there with his BS and happiness spiel, making the touristi all shits and giggles about spending coin on a luau. (the fact that it is a far removed from a homestyle luau, i digress) Most of the coin droppers are happy as shit.


Stuffs


So then comes the onslaught.

OK? All I know is I have a rez for a party of 29 that is under the name (whatever), guranteed by a credit card. that means they are getting charged for the 29, no matter what. Show or no-show. (bullshit really, but the threat is there) So here comes a sweet little thing, all BS and happiness; she says that she is w/ the ***** party, the 29, and that they will be paying seperately.

Ah yeah.

the cheap rate is for a 1 payment, not 29 fucking seperates. but she seems cool, and WTF, 20% off the reg rate, OK, I'll bite.

She was the normal one.

I went through absolute hell with the drunken lesbians that were with her.

TWENTY EIGHT of them, all ripped. You know how much fun that was?

Drunk lesbians, most of whom had more hair on their face than I do, getting all belligerant. i am ging to heaven, and aint noone stopping me.

The best one was the couple that was splitting the tab of 310.00 bucks they couldnt figure out who owed who what, and I made change like 50 fucking times, while the folks behind them were just in awe of the manly asses they were.

I really didnt know if it was "M'am or fucking "sir".


The best is she tries to say she gave me 350.00 but actually only gave me 250.00, with 50.00 for change to split pay the bill.

I had to explain this shit 5 diffrent times to them.

Then I get the ones that are pre-con artists - OH yeah, you see, I have a maltese cross that I wear around my neck, It means -

I AM A FIREFIGHTER, DUH!

So of course, I get the hem and haw of do you know a FF? No Mam, I AM A Firefighter.

"Why do you work here"

HM - "To pay the paradise tax"

hahahahahaha little lesbian laughs.

God damn tonight was hell.

Shit, but home I am, and beer I have, so it aint my fault I got a appendage, and you dont.

You cant have mine.

Its spoken for.

Aloha.