Me and The KJPre-Vegas, and yes, I wore a damn fedora on the plane. And the whole first morning.
Drove around town fixing a flat tire, which meant finding the car, fixing the flat, only to have the car blow the timing chain, which meant that the car is pretty much gonzers. Dont have time to fix, so I will be loaning Eldest son my truck, so he can work, and get insurance, and help pay some rent. Which led to - missing a hike, but instead going to the beach, and taking KJ, Kiana, and Maimai. Leading to me dunking KJ in the ocean for the first time, spreading lotion all over his fatness' skin, sucking in the aroma of his newness, and pondering the wonder of the ocean, home, life, and the myriad of grains that make up the beach.
OK, run on sentences; rock.
In driving around, I ran into a homeless guy begging for coin at the intersection. I chose to ignore him, as my irritation level was at its peak, and that was being fueled by a certain 15 y/o female in the seat next to me. I muttered to myself, and cursed the fact that a light had to cause me trepidation on tis guys plight. Since the chasm that my brain is, is want of a guard, so that makes shit like this happen. Which in plain sanity laden speech means - 'I felt guilty ignoring him' So why? Well, glad you asked; the guy behind me dropped him a buck. So in the driving around, I ended up back in the left turn lane of the homeless guy again. So I grabbed a buck, and folded it up. And the sign he had before wishing happy holidays and God Bless, was now a sign for 50 cents for the Sunday paper. It costs 1.75 in the stands. Dilemma awaits. Is it a rip off? Did he steal the papers from the stand, and now trying to use it for profit of use towards getting high and or drunk? Or...is it to feed a family with no home, or way to provide shelter? Is he menatlly ill? Hell, Am I? And why is it that I only have 50 seconds to think of all this shit while waiting a a light on a muggy morning? Decisions, decisions. Or is it that he is actually a student, doing a research project, that he isnt even really homeless? Damn. What if he just needs a job? He didnt ask for one in the first sign, and if the second sign is true, he has one, albeit not great, selling papers, but it is a job.
Jesus, the lights turning green.
So I have another 5 seconds to decide.
My windows down, what is it? Why the big fucking deal about this? Why is it weighing so deep in my addled brain, that it is causing me heartburn?
What is the problem? Why the dilemma? Why the concern, either way? Just ignore him. Just ignore the quandry. Not like you aint got enough on your plate, bro! Just think of the snotty attitude that seats next to you, and the situation that arise from that! Fuck worrying about a buck! 15 y/o and female, you better think all thoughts out! You better choose wisely the words you convey by. You better mean the shit you feel.
Fucking light.
He isnt even looking.
There are a ton of homeless more, under the bridge, not far from here, a ton. At least a hundred or more.
Got a extra hundred?
In driving around, I found myself at a stop light,
and a man was asking for money,
he had a sign that said "happy holidays",
and "God Bless",
i ignored him the first pass; even being right next to his stright ahead gaze,
being further away, the second time, i wondered and weighed.
And I turned left.
Aloha.
4 comments:
It is always a dilemma for me as well. I've done it before but...I saw a news expose' that showed some of these people make more money an hour than we do. Onan average it showed they made $30 an hour. And...do we want to support their drug or alcohol habit? Hmmmm...
Because it's not about him. It's about you, and the man you are, and 15 year old saw her generous Dad, which she'll remember sixty years from now (even though for now it's one less buck for her teenaged wishlist), and a buck is worth that, no matter what gets done with it...so long as there's a CHANCE it's for his family, your kid knows you care about others.
*Like she didn't already?
Right?
You've got a lucky family.
Life is difficult some days.
Personally, I am never generous to the panhandlers. I'm not because it is in the back of my mind that they'll take my buck and a few others to go buy a bottle of Night Train -- and I, of all people, have little room to judge those who tipple. I'd just rather they eat a sandwich.
In order to assuage my guilt, I make a few trips each winter to the Father Fred Foundation. It's a Catholic outfit, but any person in need can get help there -- it's easy to get to, and the volunteer staff is sweet and caring.
I take groceries, outgrown boots and coats and snowpants and gloves and blankets we no longer need, and I take one check that I have the foundation deposit into the heating bill fund. I do this faithfully, each winter, even though I no longer attend mass. It's really the only thing I do beyond donating to Goodwill that falls under the catagory of "helping the poor."
Mr Z's Christmas charity is Toys for Tots. He takes the kids to shop for the toys, and then they go to the drop-off site. It's nice to involve the kids, I think, but I don't. Maybe I should, but you can't go to the foundation without coming face-to-face with those who are down and out, and I worry that my kids would worry. I'm not sure why.
Just do your thing. Fire com counts for a lot, you know. Nobody can fault you for not caring about your community.
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