Cereal Depression

Every day You try to break me, and every day, I stand up to you. I can not help but continue to try to defeat you. You challenge me. You lie. You are NOT there for me. You decieve me in the most intimate ways. You take my soul, rip it from my being, and lay it out on the street to rot in the Hawaiian sun.

Why are you this way? I am not a perfect being. I will not be, nor have I ever tried to be anything but. My efforts go for naught. I accept responsibilty for the dues that need to be paid, the dues incurred by you, the debtors that constantly knock at our door. All I have asked for in return is nothing. Nothing. I have nothing left for you to remove from my being. You have taken it all.

I have been a rodent in the past, it is true, but for years now, I have placed you upon a pedastal of caring, support, and most of all, LOVE. Time, your stubborness, and your inability to seek change from within, have gone over the edge, into the realm of chaos, madness, and hate.

All the stress of this exsistence, as it is, has left me hollow, numb and confused inside. I do not cry, I yearn. I yearn for a glimpse of happiness from you. But there is none there.

You are not happy with me. Ever. I see that now. You are only happy with others. You care not what I feel, say, or think. Only what you are able to acquire by my taking all the financial responsibility. You have no idea what I think, nor do you care.

I wish we were 14 again, that way I could try to have never met you.

This is a terrible waste of time, effort, heartache. You truly, truly, do not love me, or anyone else for that matter. you only love yourself, what you want, and how you can go about gaining those things.

You need to realize, that with all the religion, faith and crap like that which you speak of, your actions show nothing but HYPOCRITICAL actions, that I find repulsive.

I fear it is too late, that the wall has been breached, and that the guardians of my soul, my heart, my love and belief in you, are sealed, closed, and gone ....forever.

I am sooooo tired, soooo sorry.

Why?