Sand In The Vasaline

Spam. Thanks! I think I will visit your astounding site, penisinchesweightlossstockanalysis.

Doh.

Besides the obvious, (getting a life) is there ANYONE in the world that would actually take advice from a spam comment? I mean - really?

" Yeah honey, I found this web site, thru a spam comment, and like, I took all the savings, and like, put it into like, woodchip fibers...and the spam said it will increase my dick length, help you lose weight, and cure cancer"....

Thank God for the no-call list. But I had alotta fun with telemarketers 'fore they got canned from my home phone.

Caller ID. My own perverse world of humor/timekiller springs into action.

"Ring"....."Ring"....."Ring"....(on another note - who the hell lets a phone ring more than 3 or 4 times nowadays?)

Me: "Ah, Herro?" ( the reason for the imitation fake chinese accent will become apparent)

Them: "Hello, is Mr. (insert mispronounced last name here) home?"

Me: "He not hea rye now, he no stay, he leeeve me in charge of house"

Them: "Oh, so you are in charge of the house for Mr. (X)?"

Me: " Ah, No. Me jus' take care for Mr., he lemme work in house for him, he good guy, lemme do work for him"

Them: "So does Mr. have the xxxxxx paper? We have a special for Mr., and he would like this paper......etc. (more hard sell crappola)

Me: "No need paper Mr. he reed all da newz on da TeeeeVeeee. "

Them: "So what about you, how about you, we can have a paper delivered for you at a great rate"

Me: "no need, I no reed. Jus' look at pickchers, look at funny pages, you know, laff , laff kine comics"

Them: "What is your name, or address? We would be glad to send you a free copy or 2."

Me: "Mai name is Won Bok. You know, li' da cabbage?" Only I no stink after you eeet."

Them: (now seriously trying not to laugh on the line, but STILL trying to make a sale) "Are you married? I bet your wife would like the coupons in the paper"

Me: "wife no need coupons, America great place, give us free money for food, call well-fair stamp, we go and get at beeg building in town"

Them: "But you..." (now ive tired so interruptions abound from here on out)

Me: "Yah. America glate place, I cum China, where communists run country, I spit on communists (spitting sound and retch) yuk, poo! Communists bad, China bad, America glate place"

Them: "But.."

Me: (louder more incoherent) " I sing now, amareiCAH, AmareICKAH, God shet his glace on deeeeeee...."

Them: "Sir, I ...."

Me:(continuing without pause) "Yu no say while I sing, bad you cut in whyle i sing AmeriKAh dee boootyfull"

Them: "Sir, but...

Me: " Nosir, I tell ewe mai name Won Bok, not name sir, meebe your name sir, not my name...(small pause) ...Now Mr pull in driveway, I give him phone, ewe beeeg troouble now"

'Click'

Now if I can just figger out how to do that to spammers.

Aloha.

You dont want to know what I do to the credit card guys......

Hmmmmmmm?

Aloha, again