Christmas Traditions
The number one C-mas tradition for me is that I will be working. I think in the past 20 odd years, I have actually been off once. And that’s OK. Traditions are built on recurring feats of joy. If you didn’t experience joy in doing something, then why do it again? (S & M aficionados – you are excused) So quickly, before I express some heart felt frustrations about phones, the public, and other morons, I give you things I always do ‘round C-Mas time.
1. Guaranteed, I will shop for Lady C at the last minute. (that’d be today)
2. All toys bought for family and friends kids will be of the most irritating, obnoxious, type. (this, because that’s what everyone gave our kids) It takes a little longer, but the looks of woe on parents face is priceless.
3. See above (no batteries!)
4. Lady C will stress out, and I get to prove, yet again, my worth as a human.
5. The Hotel From Hades will be packed to the pink gills in owns.
6. Fireworks will go on sale 12/26.
7. Red & Green M&M’s
8. The Xmas tree will come down as soon as the last present is opened. (Lady C quirk, don’t ask)
9. Extra patience with those around me. (ha!)
10. Lastly, I will look back on the year, and find that through the good and bad, it has still been a pretty worthwhile 365.
Firecom Phone Stuffs –
HM- “Whats your emergency?”
911caller- “I am not sure if this is an emergency, but I locked my keys in my car, and it is still running”
HM – “Is there anyone in the vehicle?”
9C- “No, I pulled over to put some water in the radiator, because it was over heating, and the door automatically locked”
HM – “You pulled over; put water in the radiator, and the door locked? , with the car running?”
9C- “Yes.”
HM – “ Mam, I think you will have to call a mechanic, or a locksmith, as there really is no emergency, more of an inconvenience”
9C – “ Oh, so I wait for the car to blow up, and THEN you’ll come?”
HM- “ Mam, it is HIGHLY unlikely that your car will explode from the radiator overheating; it is more than probable that it will – 1- run out of gas, -2- overheat, and the your engine block will crack, and the car will stop running, or 3, you call a mechanic, and they come out, open the car, and the problem is solved”
9C- “So I will just wait for the car to explode, and then you can put it out!!!”
HM- “Mam, it WILL NOT explode. If you added water to the radiator AFTER you stopped, the temperature is not that hot. If it was, you would not have been able to open the radiator”…”Perhaps the Police can be of assistance…?”
9C- *click*
The car didn’t blow, and we didn’t get another call from her.
More Fun-
HM – “What is your emergency?”
Condo resident- “We have a fire here”
HM- “what is burning?
CR- “ I don’t know, but I see smoke, and smell fire”
HM “what color is the smoke? Do you see flames? You are on the 11th floor, is the smoke there?”
CR- “ No, it is in the lobby, and it is white smoke.”
HM – “ you see smoke in the lobby from the 11th floor?” (put the bong down, please)
CR- Yes, I am looking down from the 11th floor, cause I am on the floor, and I see right next to the Koi Pond, smoke.”
HM- (Koi Pond? WTF?) “But you see no flames?”
CR- “There is a Coke machine down there too”
HM – (PLEASE PUT DOWN THE BONG) “Beg your pardon?”
CR – “yeah, the coke machine doesn’t work all the time and sometimes it steals your money”
HM- “Mam, is that what is burning?”
CR- “No, it just steals your money”
HM- (arrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!) So you don’t see flames, is the smoke still visible?”
CR- “What smoke?”
HM- “The smoke and the fire you were reporting”
CR- “I what?”
HM- “mam DO YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY INVOLVING SMOKE, FIRE, OR ANYTHING AT ALL BESDIES THE KOI POND, AND THE COKE MACHINE??????” (put the CRACK pipe down, NOW!)
CR- “Oh, uh, No.”
HM- “Aloha, and good night”
CR – “Uh, Ok, Thanks”
Click,click,click!!!!
It was kinda like 24 hours of this, yesterday, along with a multi-vehicle bus accident, a motorcycle DOA, assorted medicals, Hazmat alarms, and the surfers in distress, a drowning, emergency childbirth….
It was a busy, busy day. Got 2 hours of sleep.
Back at the hotel.
Holiday traditions.
Traffic, crowds, rude folks, I can do without.
Warm feelings towards fellow mankind, kids out of school, feeling real peace on earth, That’s worth it.
Shop well, be well, and keep the spirit of joy in your hearts.
Aloha.
5 comments:
Howzit Mark?
Thought maybe I saw you, looking wistfully at the waves while working at the pink palace. lol
It was in view from the beach we schlepped to (from Coral Reef), da boys rented longboards and they all had fun
I think our Christmas tree will come down early too...it died already
Thanks for some laughs. Merry Christmas.
putting the bong down :)
The first caller sounded like she wanted to save herself from having to pay a locksmith. My youngest son has locked my keys in my truck while it was running three time. It wont happen again, I finally learned to yank them when I get out, and yank him out too, regardless of how short a time span I intend to be out. Locksmiths can charge as much as forty dollars to unlock the door. I did manage to find a woman locksmith who only charges fifteen, I posted her name and number in the teacher’s lounge, she’s reasonable and why not give her referrals, yes?
The second caller was definitely high, but you knew that right?
I love that you give out obnoxious kid toys, haha, me too. Pay backs are heck, yes?
I used to leave my tree up until after new years, but not anymore, I am ripping that sucker down just as soon as all the kids go home. I think I would like your lady C...
Help, Hawaii Mark! There's white smoke coming out of my bathroom!!
Oh, wait.
That's steam from the shower.
No--no. It's my brother-in-law smoking a fatty on the john.
Nevermind.
Merry Christmas!!!
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